Rash Actions
by Don Quote
Summary: Elizabeth makes a choice... Rating: R


Fic title: Angels Fall First

Chapter number: One Shot fic

Fic pairing(s): E/W, E/N, J/W

Fic rating: Heavy R/ NC-17

Fic summary: Named after the song its ever so loosely based on By ~Nightwish. / All her attention had another centre, the face that gazed at her, and its undeniable connection to the word "Dead." that hovered above it./ Warning: *Character Death* *Suicide* *Extreme melodrama I mean angst* Disclaimer(s): Unfair it seems, all characters belong to the mouse

How innocent it looked, dirty off-white, messy black script sprawled across its top, red wax seal holding closed its back. No hint as to the nature of the news it contained, she opened with barely a second glance, another letter in the pile of many. Even upon opening it seemed so unimportant, so ineffectual, the slip of paper that it contained nothing more than an article ripped from some public journal, detailing the current standing in the Navy's on going war with piracy. She paid no head, tossing the scrap to her husband, seeing the information not to be of her concern.

Her misgivings occurred upon seeing the noble brow of her husband furrow, the regret and sorrow etched across his face. Slowly his eyes rose from the sheet, meeting hers with reluctant pain. Inquisitively she reached for the page, snatching it away from his wavering hands and staring down at it. For a moment sense held forth as she realised she had been viewing the wrong side of the paper. Whilst concentrating on her folly she felt nothing, not emotion was stirred by the drawing she saw, nor the words above it.

The room seemed to grow, her concerned husband was suddenly far away, too far to stop the shaking hand as it dropped the paper. Echoing in some remote land she vaguely heard the words "Elizabeth I am so sorry" but the distance made it hard to focus on. All her attention had another centre, the face that gazed at her, and its undeniable connection to the word "Dead." that hovered above it.

There was a playful smile on his lips, twinkling in his eyes, a look she remembered so well. One she had counted so heavily on seeing again. The numerous times it had been flashed in her direction, for such simple reasons as being in her presence. The mere sight of it had always bought a similar expression to her own features, infectious as his joy was.

The simplicity of it, the naivety and innocence, how could he possibly be connected to that terrible list beneath him. "Robbery, assault, murder" all featured, yet she knew him incapable of anything of the sort. No one who had ever witnessed his loving warmth would believe him possible of such things.

A clear droplet of liquid landed on the word "dangerous" smudging it beyond recognition. Soon many more joined it and she kicked the paper from her sight, if only to preserve the only image she possessed of her first love.

A gentle pressure appeared on her shoulder, the calming presence of her husbands hand as he shouted for one of his men. She reached and placed her own hand over his, and he placed another on top, cupping hers and slowly rubbing his fingers across them. Bending down he graced her golden locks with a feather of a kiss, before releasing her hands and leaving the room.

Left alone she warily eyed the paper, as the steady stream of tears became wracking sobs. The leaden feeling in her stomach lifted, now she felt it tossing and tumbling, sickness crawling up her throat. She gasped for air, her breathing inhibited by not only the sickness, and sobs but also the searing pain in her heart. She felt as if a sword had been thrust through her chest, instinctively she clutched at it, clawing, desperately trying to ease the pain. This feeling was like none she had ever felt, even when she had sent him on his was from her life. Then she had been assured she would see him again, knowing somewhere out there he still sailed, thinking of her as she thought of him. He had allowed her a husband, a constant love whom could treat her as he wished he could, yet they both knew that they held each others hearts first and foremost.

She had thought letting him go had been hard but the pain of temporary separation nothing compared to this knowledge of eternal absence. She feared each breath as it tore her apart, and every movement shot along her nerves like fire.

Her body rocked from the force of her sobs, her back thudding against the back of the chair. Slowly she slipped from it, falling to the floor were she held onto the chair to prevent a complete collapse. She lost track of time as she sat there, her head a theatre of memories.

"The Pearl's in Tortuga." This short statement of fact told her much more than the words. His eyes burning into her own, the stiffening grip around her waist as he spoke, the hand holding her face upturned to him. He was not telling her the location of a ship, or even of a friend. He was informing her of his plans, his future as he saw it, and he was asking her to join him, to be a part of it. So she sat, gazing at him, struggling to form the words she knew must be said, as anxiety played in his eyes. "Elizabeth I mean."

"I can't Will." Her voice faltered over the words but she knew she had no choice. "That is not a life I could live, the ship, constantly moving, an outlaw's wife. Father would miss me too much." She listed her reasons, aware he knew them all anyway.

"Oh" He replied sadly, looking wistfully out across the sea they stood before. She could sense the decisions he was making, the hurried dashing of his hopes, the light in his eyes that flickered. "Nevermind." He whispered, the ache apparent in his voice, and he released her chin from his grasp, his arm loosening around her.

"How soon will you leave?" She asked, as they both stared across the glittering ocean. He snapped to face her, his face disbelieving. "I won't, not without you."

"Don't be so ridiculous. You must, for the sake of yourself and me. I couldn't bear it if I thought I kept you here, when its so obvious you heart truly belongs at sea."

"I fear you have me confused with a common pirate. My heart can't belong to the sea you claimed it many years ago."

"I said belongs AT Will. You won't be happy here, never could be, even with me. I may be your love, but even I can not overrule something which runs through your blood, something ingrained long before we met." She spoke in a calm voice, trying not to let it show her anguish at the thought of losing her love. In the deep of her heart she knew he agreed with her, yet it was buried within him also, he just needed it uncovering. "Please. I don't want you here. I want you happy, at sea. Jack will see you straight you know that, and I.I will make my father proud."

"No, no! Don't even talk like this. I love you, I can't just leave you like that." She had forced him. Two days later they exchanged vows of everlasting love before she bid him farewell and sent him across on the short trip to Tortuga. The moonlight goodbye had haunted her even to this day, as had his only visit since, when they had sat once more in the silver shimmer of the moon, beside the sapphire jewel of the sea. Words had been scant, a brief summary of each others lives as they had passed, emphasis heavy on the impersonal of the Pearl and its crew, or the social occasions of Port Royal.

He knew of her marriage to Norrington, she made no strains to cover it up, and she knew of his relationship with Jack. Both fine men, they knew that each other would be well looked after and loved in a way they could not. And whilst they were greatly enamoured with their respective partners, loved them even, they also saw the love they felt within was reflected in each others eyes.

The pain of conversation disposed of, they spent many hours sat in each others arms, doing nothing more than enjoying the fact they were together. Then, after the sun stole the stars from the sky, they exchanged a single kiss and a goodbye. No promise of return, no declaration of love. They had done that before and the pain was too raw.

Years had passed since, and James had kept her informed vaguely of the Pearl's whereabouts, passing on the brief information his naval position provided him. Last time he'd mentioned her name, Spain had been her sighting, and Elizabeth had commented about Jack's apparent desire to stay away from Port Royal. To this she had received only a look, but it spoke volumes and she learned never to mention jealousy on anyone's part again.

Many nights she had wished for his return, for another chance to gaze upon his beauty. Yet never was this desire now it never would be. The feeling of desperation this stirred within her was too great. She prayed this was a joke, cruel and harsh, the article a fake, or maybe a mistake, error on behalf of the publisher. If it were she would call him back, never again allow him from her sight. She would hold him to her forever, never let him go.

The slam of a door echoed within her brain, and she turned to see her husband striding across the room. Warily she watched his progress, as he came to a halt and bent down before her, taking her hand in his and smoothing gentle circles on the curves of her palms. She looked on blankly as he mouthed words she couldn't hear, something about his fear and the truth. She couldn't understand the nonsense he spoke, and she pulled her hand from his, sliding from the chair and running out the door. A shout of her name followed yet she paid no heed, heading for the door, pausing only at her husbands writing desk for a tool.

Moving with a purpose she ran for a spot she knew well, the home of her dreams, of her happiest memories. A high point of the town, the most beautiful view, one she had memorised, both by the warmth of sunlight and the magic of moonlight. And here she halted, sitting upon a wall that had seen so many comings and goings of her life. She cast her eyes wildly across the horizon, not taking in anything she saw, and pulled from skirts the object she removed from the study.

Rays of sunlight glittered and played upon the blade, reflecting dancing golden slashes upon her skin. Kisses from the winds tossed her glowing curls, and momentarily she tilted her face to them, the dampness of the tears drying upon her skin. Eyes fluttering gently closed she toyed with the blade in her hand.

Inhaling salty air she felt a strange calm settle upon her, and her eyes flickered open, seeing with surprising clarity what they missed just moments ago. In her hand was gripped the tiny hilt of a letter opener, present from a blacksmith she knew long ago. It was perfectly sculpted, painstakingly detailed. She knew that love and care had gone into its creation, and she held it to her chest, gently running the blade over her creamy skin.

Tears continued to fall as she stood, caressing the cool metal, pain pulsating through her body. Slowly she began to rock, swaying in unison with the breeze. Eventually she gave a deep shuddering breath, and pulled the blade from her skin.

"Elizabeth" A voice called out, and she turned to see her husband running towards her eyes wide in fear. She gave him an apologetic smile, she didn't want to hurt him, but she had no choice. With a single deliberate motion she brought the blade against her throat in a single viscous swipe. She turned her ears from the howl of pain behind her, and threw herself over the wall. Air slapped her skin, and before her saw a stream of red, yet she felt no fear as she flew.

After what felt like forever, a warm embrace caught her, and she opened her eyes to meet a pair of warm chocolate ones, staring at her with concern. "Now why did you do that?" Her love questioned. Her reply was simple, punctuated with a gentle brush of her lips against his.

"I just guessed it was the time for rash actions"


End file.
